Positivity: A How-to Guide

I’ve been sitting on this blog post for a while. I’ve seen lot of friends posting that they want to be more positive and I’ve had a lot of friends ask me how I do it. I’ve wanted to write a blog about it but until now I don’t think I had all the write words I wanted to use. I am not even sure I have all the right words now, but I have some good ones, and everything I am going to write about is stuff I’ve changed for myself, and I’ve collected a bunch of memes/quotes and I think I have some good answers to the one main question… “How can I live a  more positive life?”

Think about it for a second. Did whatever happen today really ruin your entire day? Or are you deciding to dwell on it all day and let it keep bringing you down? Now I know what you’re going to say, “Chrissy, I wrecked my car and I can’t get to work now.” But are you alive? Did you make it home to your family? Are there other ways for you to get to work? The answer to those are probably YES, especially the first one because you’re sitting there reading this right now and you wouldn’t be able to if you were dead. My point is, there are always things to be thankful for in a crappy situation.

Let’s look at something less dramatic though. Your boss overlooked you and gave credit to someone else who didn’t deserve it. Totally a mood ruiner right? Totally! But the whole day? Not necessarily. There are a ton of ways to fix the situation if you want to. Again, if you want to. If you want to sit there and cry about it and not do anything, you’re not going to ever make it better. But if you speak up, change the situation, calmly of course, your mood gets better, your day gets better, and you move on.

I honestly cannot remember the last full on bad day I’ve had. I have bad moments, I have shitty moments, I have down times, but I always look at the positive and turn my mood around. I let it go. I move on. This is not how it always was for me. I used to hold grudges and let things bother me and get stressed and angry. And then one day I quit. I was tired of it. I was tired of fighting with my husband over dumb shit. So I stopped. When we got into an argument I would make myself stop and think about what good it was doing. When I realized it wouldn’t do anything, I would stop and laugh. It’s hard to argue with someone when they are laughing. Eventually the arguments and bad attitudes stopped happening because I would tell myself there was nothing to be negative about. Of course this isn’t just about fighting with your spouse, this can be about anything that brings you down or gets you mad. Assess what’s happening and find the positive. Even if the only positive thing you can think of is that you are breathing. Be thankful that you are still alive to have those emotions. You are a living, breathing, person.

You can literally tell yourself to have a better day.  You can choose to be happy and positive. Adopt the habit of starting off your day with something positive. Write yourself a love note. Smile. Do something for yourself that brings you happiness. Seek out positivity in your daily life rather than dwelling on things you don’t enjoy.

If you feel a negative thought coming, immediately switch it to something positive. Don’t start a sentence with something negative. If you have to be negative, start with that but end with something positive. Example… “I had a shitty day.” Change that to, “I had a shitty day, but now I am home with my family and looking forward to (fill in the blank).”

STOP posting negativity on social media.  I cannot stress this one enough. The moment you put something negative online, other people are going to latch onto it and help you be more negative. Misery loves company. And some people love the drama that comes with other people’s negativity. You posting something negative on social media immediately puts that energy and vibe into the universe. And not only are you putting that vibe out for yourself, you’re putting it on everyone who is reading your stuff.

If you do choose to be negative on social media, I have two things you should never post about. Don’t ever post negativity about your spouse. I see it every single day; the passive aggressive posts…

“Of course my husband would choose today to be an asshole when he got home from work.”

“It’s always so nice when my husband takes his sweet time coming home from work.”

This goes for husbands posting too but it’s usually the wives. Sorry, ladies, but it’s true. And what are you getting out of this? I’ll tell you exactly what you’re getting. You’re getting your other lady friends to hop on the husband-bashing train and now you aren’t the only one being negative. You just recruited a whole batch of other people who are going to be negative too. And then when your spouse comes home, what kind of mood are you in? What if the reason your spouse came home late was because he decided to stop at Starbucks and bring you a Trenta Hibiscus Refresher? But you don’t know this so you’re an asshole to him when he gets home and you’ve already posted all that hate and negativity all over Facebook. You can’t get that back. It’s out there.

Next, Don’t ever post negativity about your kids. I am not talking about the stories about your kids that you tell as satire to make people laugh. We all love those and we know you aren’t really going to “sell the kids on ebay or etsy.” (Have you seen that meme? I love that one). I am talking about the same passive aggressive stuff like I said above. And I am talking about stuff that you should really just keep to yourself. I’ve seen so much negative stuff about some of my friend’s kids that if you asked me about those kids, I would only be able to tell you bad things. What does that say about those parents who are posting? It just puts out more negativity into the universe and you can’t take that back. You called your kid a little shit and at least 10 people saw that before you decided to delete it. Just stop. Make it a point to only post positivity about your kids.

One other thing…so 3 things you shouldn’t do… Don’t over-share. It kind of goes with the posting about your spouse and kids. But social media doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING, especially if it’s negative.

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”

I cannot stress this one enough. I am not sure if I mentioned in other posts, but when I lived in Arizona I lived in a black hole of negativity. And it was so easy to get sucked in. I actually lost quite a few friends because I would choose to stay out of the drama and just stay home. I was constantly around people who would take something good and immediately turn it into something bad. The very first day I was at my brand new house, a lady drove by and said, “Oh you’re new? Welcome to Hell.” This is the kind of negative vibe I am talking about. She put that on me. I was so excited to live in a new place and she immediately put a bad taste in my mouth within the first 10 minutes of me being there. Obviously we never became friends, lol.

Evaluate the relationships you have. Are your friends constantly negative? Do they like to bring you down? Or are you friends with people who love to have fun and smile and make you happy? It’s a hard task, trust me. When you start to really look at people in your life, sometimes it ends up that your closest friends are not the people you want to be close with anymore. Some of those people even end up being family members. But are you happier without them in your life? Yep!

 

I am not saying you need to learn to meditate, although it wouldn’t hurt, but take 3-5 minutes and just breathe. Lock yourself in a closet and breathe. Making yourself take a break can work wonders for your mind and change your mood. Close your eyes, don’t think about anything negative, and just breathe. Try it. For me.

If you take one thing away from this, let it be that YOU can make yourself positive. You have that power. You just need to do it.  It won’t be the easiest thing you do, but it will be the most rewarding.

 

Small Changes Equal Big Results

Because it’s the new year, a lot of people are jumping on the health train. As a person who has been doing the healthy thing for a while now, I am always nitpicking at images of what to do and what not to do. There are all kinds of them floating around; the lists of things to cut out, the things to stop doing, the things to start doing. The problem I find with these lists is that they are a massive change for most. They are setting people up to fail. One of my favorite things to tell people is that “small changes equal big results.” You don’t have to change your entire diet to see results. You don’t have to give up EVERYTHING to see change. And you definitely don’t HAVE to take on an entire list of changes all at one time. Start small and start slow. In this post I am going to take the time to dissect a very popular post I’ve seen lately.

No chips: I can get on board with this one as far as just cutting chips out completely. But if you are a chipaholic, I have a suggestion. Just change the type of chips you eat. Start looking at labels. Hold up a bag of Cheese Doritos next to a bag of organic corn chips and look at the difference. I don’t know exactly what’s in Doritos but I am pretty sure there is a ton of fake stuff, chemicals, and things you and I cannot pronounce. In a bag of organic corn chips there are usually 3 ingredients; corn, salt, and oil.

No potatoes: Another one that I don’t think is the hardest, but again, can just be modified. First, if you eat taters as a side for dinner, how about eating a smaller portion. Eat half a potato rather than a whole one. You could also change the toppings of your potato. You could opt for plain or just a sprinkle of salt and pepper. Instead of going for the loaded tater with butter, sour cream, and bacon, try adding some broccoli and a little sprinkle of cheese. Another suggestion, rather than having a potato as a side dish, only eat the potato with the broccoli on top. Changing your portion sizes will work wonders.

No Ice Cream: A lot of people eat dessert every single day. Stop that! You don’t need dessert every day. Save dessert for special occasions. And I don’t necessarily mean birthday parties, but maybe on a Friday or when you go on a date. Next, stop buying ice cream at the store. If you don’t have it in the house you won’t eat it. I cannot tell you how much that helps me. If I get into one of those moods where all I want to do is eat junk (yes, it happens to me too), it helps that I don’t have junk in the house to eat.  There is also the option to opt for healthier ice cream. One of our favorite frozen treats is frozen bananas, almond or peanut butter, and a splash of yogurt or almond milk, all blended. It isn’t the candy and sugar-filled ice cream you’d get a Baskin Robbins, but it will quench that urge for something sweet and cold.

No Fast Food: Again, just change where and what you’re eating. Stop eating fake meat at McDonalds. If McDonalds is the only thing you have time for, maybe eat one of those chicken wraps without the dressing. Don’t they have salads? Try one of those without the dressing too. But if you have other choices for fast food, opt for a healthier fast food. Chipotle is my absolute favorite. The portion sizes are ginormous, but you don’t have to eat the entire portion. At least if you do it’s something healthier than a quarter pounder, fries, and drink. Another fast option is a grocery store. Tons of them have salad bars or you can grab pieces of a meal from all over the store. One time in a pinch I grabbed a plastic container of mixed greens, a small thing of hummus, a fork, and an avocado. Boom! But if you do decide to cut out fast food, meal prep needs to be your new best friend. That way you don’t have to decide which fast food place to go to, you already have your lunch.

No Fried Food: I don’t really have a load of suggestions for this one. Maybe don’t eat fried food while you’re out. Here’s a good reason why…you’re french fries may be fried in the same oil as the fish sticks. And you have no idea how long that oil has been used and then reheated the next day. So if you’re going to eat something fried, eat it at home and use fresh oil. You can also opt to use a healthier oil like coconut oil. Most of the time the coconut smell and taste is not there so you don’t know you’re not eating the vegetable oil you’re used to.

No Chocolate: 2 words… Dark Chocolate. I know, I know, it doesn’t taste the same and you’re used to milk chocolate or the fake stuff they use in candy bars. Seriously, check labels with this too. Sometimes what you’re eating is chocolate “flavored” and doesn’t really have any chocolate in it. Try dark. Start with something that has a lower percentage of cacao, like 50% rather than 80%. I love the kind that has mint in it as well. What I notice about dark is that I can’t and don’t want to eat a ton of it. A little bite here and there is enough to satisfy the want. So you won’t eat the same amount you’d eat if you choose a Snickers bar.

No White Breads: I agree with this one. Most white breads have no nutritional value; they just taste good. Go for whole wheat or whole grain. There are even breads that have no flour in them at all. Those are the best kind. Just wholesome goodness. Also check labels with your bread. Try to find wheat bread that has no added sugar and has only a handful of ingredients rather than a long list.

No Soda or Juice: I’ll back the giving up soda 100%. I haven’t had soda in 4 years. Stop drinking that poison immediately. You do not need that shit in your body. Maybe instead of giving up both soda and juice, just give up soda. And instead of eliminating juice completely, only drink a glass with breakfast. Start drinking more water. That should really be the number one thing you decide to do. Add more water into your diet. Instead of soda and juice, drink water and tea. Even coffee is better than soda.

No Cakes, Donuts, Cookies, and Candy: I lumped all these together because they are all so similar. The biggest thing in this list is sugar. You don’t need the added sugar. But here’s the thing about this list again, sometimes these items are eaten on a daily basis. That’s where eating certain foods becomes a problem for health. Eating a piece of candy isn’t going to kill you. Eating a handful every time you pass by the candy jar is not a good thing. Eating a cookie won’t kill you. Having 3 with lunch and dinner isn’t great. Eating a donut on a Sunday morning is a fun treat. Eating one for breakfast every day is not good.

The common theme I see in this list is giving up sugar. Once you start reading labels, you will see that there is sugar in almost everything you eat. So I would say that instead of giving up everything on this list, and instead of giving up sugar all together, give up things with ADDED sugar. This means that natural sugars like what you find in fruit or juices and other foods is okay, but try not to eat the foods that add more sugar. Like in bread. When I started buying wheat bread I thought all wheat bread was created equally. Not the case. A decent amount of breads with the words “100% whole wheat” have added sugar. Why? Peanut butter is another one. Even the ones that claim to be the healthy kind still add sugar.

Even if you only take one thing away from this blog post, I hope it’s this… you do not have to give up everything to live a healthier life. You don’t have to give up everything to lose weight either. Just modify. Eat smaller portions. And make small changes. You can still eat the same types of food but with better ingredients. Stop eating fake stuff. Read labels. Make better choices one small step at a time. “Small changes equal big results.”